I have been able to create my first draft of my film and have been able to collect feedback from my teacher. She has told me to improve and recommended the following:
- Cut to the hands on the computer (POV)
- Camera behind the computers reflecting on my glasses
- Cut into shot of banging the computer (Zoom in)
- Close up hitting the computer
- With the "Screens." title, take away the full stop
- Make the shots shorter but add a few zooms
- When the lights go off make the ringing of the bell go at the same time
- Reshoot the ringing of the bell
- Adding another shot of trying to open the small door
- Another shot of opening the door handle
- Walking shot to the glitched screens
- Audio levels need to be higher
- Turn off the screens on the computer in the projector scenes
- Scrap the next day title. Instead swap it with fade in and fade out
- Cut off the scene of Harleen walking. Needs to not wobble
- Audio when walking
- Two shots matching so the opening of the small room door is smoother
- Add a better ending:
- Instead of leaving it where the technician walks out. Instead have them both walk away and get locked in. With a hand being projected in the background
- Credits need to be shown
I will be taking on this feedback and make adjustments to my first draft.
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